Where It All Comes Out

Millersville University

August 21st, 2008 Posted in Photography 101 | 1 Comment »

I’m in my room, which is currently devoid of things like a trash can, things to put in the refrigerator, and a roommate. Otherwise things are going pretty well. I’ve met a handful of people, some of which are a bit clingy and the typical high school geeks, but that’s alright. I just kinda wish they’d cling a little less though. I’ve met some other pretty good people as well, and my opposition to orientation week is dwindling. Then again, I’m only going to the things I want to now, so that could explain it too.

Pictures after the break.
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Closing Time

August 11th, 2008 Posted in The End of the Beginning, The Meaning of Music | 2 Comments »

Alex, Sara and myself always had a bit of a tradition to play Semisonic’s Closing Time on long nights when we were closing the store. If it was a particularly long day, we’d blare it. Well, Friday night we blared it. Sunday I had my iPod on party shuffle and lo and behold, the last song to play before I turned off the stereo and left the store for the last time was Closing Time. I thought it was pretty ironic.

Anyway on Saturday we all went to The Goal Line after work and that was pretty fun. There are pictures to be found on Facebook to those of you that have it. Sunday Deb (District Manager) took us out to dinner, and afterward I came home and crashed.

I just figured I’d throw that status update out there. As to how I feel about it? Pretty good actually.

“Closing time. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” It fits pretty well, doesn’t it? Getting a job was a new beginning, I’m not really leaving it, but I’m leaving the store that I worked at to pursue another new beginning. I’m not really sad to see this beginning end, like I was with some of the others. I don’t really have anything to leave behind this time. I’ll still have my friends, and I’ll still have my job, just not in the same place.

Step Out the Front Door…

August 9th, 2008 Posted in The Meaning of Music | 1 Comment »
…like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white, and in between the moon and you angels get a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right. Well I walk in the air, between the rain, through myself and back again. Where? I don’t know. Maria says she’s dying, through the door I hear her crying. Why? I don’t know.

‘Round here, we always stand up straight. ‘Round here something radiates.

Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand, said she’d like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis and she walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land just like she’s walking on a wire in the circus. She parks her car outside of my house and takes her clothes off. Says she’s close to understanding Jesus and she knows she’s more than just a little misunderstood. She has trouble acting normal when she’s nervous.

‘Round here we’re carving out our names. ‘Round here we all look the same. ‘Round here we talk just like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs. ‘Round here she’s slipping through my hands. Run. Sleeping children better run like the wind out of the lightning dream. Momma’s little baby better get herself in out of the lightning.

She says, “It’s only in my head.” She says, “shh… I know it’s only in my head.” But the girl in the car in the parking lot says, “Man you should try to take a shot, can’t you see my walls are crumbling?” and she looks up at the building, says she’s thinkin’ of jumping. She says she’s tired of life, she must be tired of something ’round here. She’s always on my mind. ‘Round here, hey man, got lots of time. ‘Round here we’re never sent to bed early, and nobody makes us wait. ‘Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late. I can’t see nothing, nothing around here. You catch me if I’m falling, you catch me if I’m falling. Will you catch me, ’cause I’m falling down on you? I said “I’m under the gun, ’round here. I’m innocent, I’m under the gun, ’round here.” and I can’t see nothing, nothing ’round here.

That would be the lyrics to my favorite song in the history of the world, ever. It was there before Chris, it was there independent of Matt. It’s mine, and it always will be. It may not always be my absolute favorite song ever, but it will always be one of my favorites, and I don’t seem to ever tire of it. Then again, I take a lot from it. The song is basically about a person that can’t hold on to friends and just cycles through them, like the women in the song. By the end he doesn’t even know the person’s name, she’s “The girl in the car in the parking lot”. He’s literally so detached that he doesn’t pick up any of her physical features. She’s just someone to keep him company. She’s suicidal, he’s not. He’s too far gone to be suicidal. He needs someone, and he doesn’t care who it is. He’s willing to just pour everything out on some completely random soul that he doesn’t even know. (No, I’m not saying I’m suicidal or depressed or anything like that, I’m saying I can relate to the cycling through friends thing).

It’s an amazing song, and that’s why I love the Counting Crows. Oh, and basically the “Round here” phrases are those sayings that your mother always told you, the way that things should be, and the things that he can’t be. By the end they’ve degraded into being meaningless.

A Lack of Pictures

August 4th, 2008 Posted in Photography 101 | No Comments »

Lately my picture-taking has decreased. Actually, no. I take plenty while I’m at work, it’s just I don’t ever get to go take the ones I want. I’ve been very much in a portrait/sports mood lately, and I kinda want to go to a bar and take some pictures there, and do a lot of night stuff, but I guess that’s what school will bring, I hope. It might take a little while to get comfortable enough to go out and take some pictures, but once I do, I hope I can do it at least once a week. Not only that, but it’s a completely new place.
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The Last Transmission

July 25th, 2008 Posted in | 1 Comment »

I talked to Chris a few days ago. It essentially ended badly, but I can now say with certainty that it ended. I’ve probably already covered this topic, but I was thinking about it and I’m done. We talked for a few minutes, then I asked if he wanted to maintain contact, and it wasn’t even a “no”, he just didn’t respond. I guess that was the beginning of the time after, right?
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Posts from Work

July 23rd, 2008 Posted in | No Comments »

I know, I know. Posting from work is probably frowned upon, but it’s a pretty slow day, so I’m not that worried about it. Today is just one of those days where I want to go home, go to bed, and kinda be left alone. I’m moping a bit, but it’s not even really that. I’m just exhausted, and I need a day off, pretty badly. I kinda wish I could go out and take some pictures soon, but I don’t know that I’ll be able to until right before I leave for school. Part of me is considering quitting my job just so I’ll have some more time, but I want to see how a transfer will work. If I can get into another store at 15 or so hours a week, that’s pretty decent. I don’t mind working 3 or 4 nights a week, I just want to have a bit of time to myself again.
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Today WAS a Good Day

July 21st, 2008 Posted in | No Comments »

I upgraded WordPress. Yey me! That’s not the important thing though. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow, and frankly I’m not sure why. I called PennDOT and it would seem everything is now in place for the restoration of my license on August 11th, which is exciting! I also have a class schedule, and overall after talking with Chris, crashing and burning, I’ve been feeling much… better. I got my answer, and that’s all that matters. Oddly I think I might have been expecting more than friendship this whole time, and knowing that he’s unwilling to do even friendship makes it that much easier to realize that there are better people out there, and that I’m going to find them.

In other news, tonight has been a fairly productive night. I think I might be able to free up some space on my computer, and I’m going to make a few attempts to speed it up a hair.

Today is Going to be a Good Day.

July 16th, 2008 Posted in | 1 Comment »

I woke up this morning completely determined to have a good day. Mostly because yesterday was just one of those days that completely and totally drains you. Well, I’m sitting here at work, and… not having a good day. I’m alone. I hate being alone at work. It drives me nuts. I’m tired, I’m mopey, and I’ve had a half dozen angry customers. My lens arrives tomorrow, and I’m going out to lunch with Krystal tomorrow, so here’s to tomorrow: a better day.

Finality

July 14th, 2008 Posted in | 1 Comment »

I’ve written a few letters to Chris, none to Matt, and I think the time has come for me to write one final one to each of them, letting go. I figure I’ll send Matt’s eventually. To be honest, I’d love to send it right now, but I don’t think that would do anything but hurt him, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
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Reinventing the Reasons

July 12th, 2008 Posted in | 1 Comment »

So, today was a pretty productive day. I fired off a bunch of e-mails to department chairs and such. The interesting part isn’t that though. I’ve come to the conclusion that I spend too much time convincing myself why I shouldn’t date people. I mean, one of the first things I do when I meet a guy now is convince myself why I shouldn’t date him if the opportunity ever comes up, which is pretty stupid. It’d make more sense if there were a reason to suspect it’s possible first.
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